WHAT THE AVO TOAST

Traveling Veggie Muncher Series

Reality Check: When “vegan options” just mean overpriced avocado toast.

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Let’s talk about one of the dumbest things we somehow turned into a personality trait.

Avocado. Fucking. Toast.

If you travel at all, you already know.

This shit is everywhere.

Every city.
Every brunch menu.
Every “we have vegan options” situation.

And somehow we all just agreed that paying $16+ for a sad piece of bread with mashed avocado is normal.

Half the time:

• Stale-ass bread
• Avocado borderline brown
• Some random “fancy” bullshit on top so they can call it artisan

Microgreens.
Chili flakes.
Whatever the hell makes them feel justified charging you for it.

No.

It’s still just smashed avocado on bread.

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And here’s the part that really pisses me off…

I still order it.

Not because I want to.

Because when you’re traveling and trying to eat plant-based, your options are basically:

• Salad
• Fries
• Or… this bullshit

So now I’m that person:

“Can I get the avocado toast…no butter…no cheese…no egg…no aioli…no whatever the hell else you’re trying to sneak on there…”

By the time I’m done ordering, I’ve rebuilt the entire dish anyway.

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At Home? Different Story.

At home, it actually makes sense.

No guessing.
No disappointment.
No getting hustled.

• Real sourdough
• Perfect avocados (not rocks, not brown mush)
• Whatever the hell I want on top

This is where it earns its keep.

• Pickled red onions
• Fresh tomatoes
• Microgreens

Or today’s move:

Protein greens, lightly tossed in olive oil and fresh lemon.
Salt. Pepper. Done.

Simple.

And somehow better than anything I’ve paid for on a menu.

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Let’s Be Honest

Traveling makes one thing very clear:

We’ve normalized paying stupid money for mediocre food just so we don’t feel like the difficult one.

So what are we doing?

Eating for enjoyment?
Or eating for convenience and pretending it’s good?

No one has ever taken a bite of a $16 avocado toast and thought:

“Yeah…that was worth it.”

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No Bullshit Take

Avocado toast isn’t the problem.

Lazy plant-based options are.

And paying for mediocre food?

That’s on us.

Make it at home.
Make it better.
Make it yours.

And if you’re on the road ordering it anyway?

You already know it’s not worth it.

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How to Know When Avocado Toast is Actually Worth It

For my fellow plant-based travelers, here’s the no-bullshit checklist. If it fails even one of these, I’m out.

• Do they actually toast decent bread?
• Is the avocado fresh, not pre-mashed from a tub?
• Is there protein on the plate without sneaky dairy?
• Are there vegetables that aren’t just garnish?
• And the big one: can you make it at home in under ten minutes? If yes, it better be stunning.

If they pass this test, fine. But most places don’t.

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Travel Ordering Script (So You Don’t Get Screwed)

Because I’m done with “surprises.” Try this exact line:

“Can you make me an avocado toast with no butter, no cheese, no aioli, no egg, and no dairy—just the toast, avocado, salt, pepper, and lemon?”

If they can’t answer it clearly, that’s your cue to order something else or leave.

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What I Eat Instead When the Menu Sucks

Because you need backups. Here are my go-to moves that keep me full without feeling like I paid tuition for breakfast.

• Oatmeal with fruit and nuts (actually satisfying)
• Bagel with avocado and tomato—DIY style
• Side salad plus a side of fries (balance, baby)
• Anything with beans, rice, potatoes, or tofu if they have it

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Overpriced Avocado Toast: Travel Resources

If you want more real talk about overpriced avocado toast and plant-based eating on the road, start with my Traveling Veggie Muncher series.

And if you want a quick background on why avocado toast became a thing, here’s a simple explainer: Wikipedia on avocado toast.

Point is: you have options. You’re not stuck with overpriced avocado toast unless you decide you are.

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